Tuesday, March 27, 2007

What I Hate About Vegas

Well, time for a small rant. I'm here in Vegas staying at the lovely Venetian (great hotel). I come here a couple of times a year for work, and having been doing so for about the last 8 years now.

There's lots of things to both love and hate about Sin City, however there's one little thing that drives me insane every single time I'm here, and I spend enough time grumbling about it, I figured I'd blog this up as a little rant. I mean this is something that really, really drives me nuts, and as petty as this sounds, pretty much ruins the Vegas experience for me every time (AND keeps me from spending money in the casino.....so listen up hotel managers!).

What could it be? Can you believe it is as simple as this - no coffee makers in hotel rooms.

That's right. In Vegas you have some of the world's finest, most full-service hotels, however not a single one of the 'majors' on the Strip will give you a coffee maker in your room.

Why not? And why is it a big deal?

Everything in Vegas (and I mean *everything*) employs a type of psychological warfare, aimed at getting you to spend time on the casino floor. The idea is this - the more time you are on the floor, the more likely you are to gamble. So, instead of coffee makers in the room, there are a number of coffee shops on the casino floor (which you have to walk through to get anywhere). Doesn't sound like a big deal? Recall that I'm here for work. Work usually starts between 7 and 9 in the morning. At that time of day, the lineups at the coffee shops are INSANE. I mean INSANE. Like 30mins or more of waiting time.

So here's the typical start to my day. Bear in mind that I have a terrible, terrible addiction to coffee.

I wake up earlier than I want, and more tired than I like. I have a long day ahead of me doing corporate stuff. I have to shower and shave and get dressed. Anywhere else in the world, I would have a cup of coffee brewing while I shower. But not here. So I'm cranky as all fuck from the get-go.

Sans coffee, I head downstairs to meet my colleagues. I see the huge lineup for coffee - not only do I not have enough time (yeah yeah, I could get up earlier, but that's missing the point), but just on principle I'm NOT going to line up for 45mins just to spend $5 on a cup of joe. So, while I wait for my colleagues, 'cranky as all fuck' slowly morphs into 'i want to set fire to the casino and everyone in it'.

While I wait, am I thinking of gambling? Should I drop a dollar into that slot machine? FUCK NO. At this point, I'm so pissed off at the casino, there's not a single snowball's chance in hell that I will give them a cent of my cash. I mean, I'm really pissed at them each morning. I calm down later once I can get 'work coffee', but by then I'm long gone from the casino.

An alternative? Fuck, it's simple. If there was a coffee machine in my room, I'd be downstairs waiting (I'm always a bit early) in a very happy, contented state. The hotels are tacky but impressive, and there are some very beautiful sights (beautiful people and beautiful art/scuplture/archetetcure whatever) all over. So I'd have some time to kill, and I'd be in a good mood. Would I try a slot machine or perhaps a quick hand of blackjack? Damn right I would.

I'm not some high-roller. I'd be happy losing a hundred bucks or so each visit, just for some fun and to get to play. But, for 8 years now, two or three times a year, the casinos lose any chance of seeing a penny of my money, because I'm so damn pissed off at them, all because I can't have coffee.

I just want a cup of coffee when I wake up. That's it. You fuckers.


SIGHUP said...

While it does sound like a silly thing to complain about, I can totally understand. When I used to travel for work, screwing around trying to find morning coffee was the last thing I wanted to do.

The alternative would be to get something portable of your own, something like this:


I'd have suggested one of those portable, acrylic French presses that Starbucks sells, but I assume there are no kettles in the room as well.

Zerosum said...

Its obviously not funny for you,
but that had me laughing out loud!
Especially at "cranky as all fuck' slowly morphs into 'i want to set fire to the casino and everyone in it."


well...Enjoy the rest of the week:)

. said...

the only thing I like about las vegas is :

CSI Las Vegas :-)

Anonymous said...

Not to sound like a smartass, but have you considered just calling room service and having them bring you up some coffee?

Muff Wiggler said...

heh, good points all around guys

Shamann, thanks for the link - that's just the ticket, and I've ordered one. Perfect.

And to you Mr. Smartass - heh, you are absolutely right, and to be honest I haven't even thought about it. I'm quite sure that I could do something like that - I'll try it as an experiment sometime. I wonder if they would get me the coffee fast enough, I usually get up, brew while showering, drink while shaving and dressing, and then leaving the room. Whole process is about 40 mins. I could see it working though, for sure.

It's a drag that they will only usually bring an entire pot, and I hate to waste coffee, but it's surely better than none.